How to Handle Fights About Money

Money. We love it and we hate it. Most people site that it is the number one thing they fight about with their partner. The typical couple that has financial differences looks like this: one partner is liberal with their money, and the other is conservative. One partner doesn’t bat an eye when it comes to purchasing, and the other has a mini-stroke each time he or she pulls out their wallet.

The classic paradox: saver versus spender.

Financial differences eat away at the relationship. The constant fighting about what is the “right approach” will continue on because partner feels vindicated and almost absolute that their approach is in fact the correct one.  Although a financial manager may tell you differently, it is also our job to tell you there is no 100% right way. Getting to a place where money isn’t your #1 fight is our goal. So how do we solve such a complicated dilemma? Our approach is that financial differences follows this methodology:

Let go of being right

Unless there is a severe spending issue, debt, and behaviors that are troublesome, your saving or spending approach is not 100% correct. Once you let that go, we can get to a place of compromise.

Come together on goals

Decide together what you want your financial picture to look like. Review current and future goals, as both are important.

Look a the meaning behind the fight

Is there a deeper dynamic going on? If your partner is unhappy in your relationship, we often see money be the vehicle to display anger or unhappiness. Find out what is really going on within your relationship.

Do not get stuck in the parenting position

Whatever goals you decide upon, be careful not to slip into the mommy/daddy role with your partner. Once you step into the parenting role, not only does intimacy get lost, but you have just assumed a responsibility that will perpetuate the problem.

Stick to what you said

Nothing is more important than doing what you said you were going to do. Be conscious about it. Set prompts for yourself. Behavior change is hard, but you can do it if you constantly keep it alive in your mind.

Still Having Trouble?

Consider couples counseling. Learn about our services or contact us here.